ic inbox [hadriel]

[unknowable]

"Please leave a message and I'll return it as soon as I'm able."

[if necessary, you can also leave a message for Ronan Lynch here]

Comments

[greywaren]

That's my line, [he murmurs affectionately, snug against Adam's throat,] dummy.

[But it's a comfort to know that Adam won't leave him. To know that, even if everything else is beyond their control, Adam wouldn't leave, even if he could. Ronan would do the same- he wants the Barns more than anything, he wants the warm summers and cool autumns there, he wants the deer and the cows and even the bratty little child, but he realizes that none of that would be worth leaving Adam behind.

He strokes his thumb gently along the lower end of Adam's sternum, closing his eyes and just feeling the both of them breathe in time with one another. Ronan sometimes feels as if they're one being when they're pressed close like this, just with two separate bodies to thrum and touch and tangle up alongside one another. He knows that they're both difficult in their own way, that they both have their barriers and walls and prickliness, but when they're alone together, it feels as if all of that melts away and they can just be- this.

The guilt is still there. Adam's pain likely hasn't faded yet, and Ronan would do anything to stop it- but they're on the same page again, rested and warm and recovering together. It's the only way he wants to.]

You should get some more rest.

[unknowable]

Stay with me.

[It's a quiet request. He doesn't really think Ronan was planning to leave, but - he wants to be clear, he wants Ronan to know that he's wanted. Needed, maybe. Adam thinks he'll be able to sleep, or at least to drift off into something like sleep, but he doesn't want to wake to find Ronan gone.

Gansey's gone, now, disappeared between one moment and the next. Adam knows that keeping Ronan near him won't keep him from disappearing, but right now it's what he needs. Ronan going home would never be easy for him to deal with, but he's clearheaded enough to know that he's not in a very good place right now, and the idea of losing Ronan makes him feel like all the air is being leeched out of the room.

The warm presence of Ronan is keeping him stable, more than anything else right now. Cabeswater is there if he reaches for it, but Cabeswater can't bring back his hand, and he'll only have to come back to his body sooner or later anyway. He can take comfort from the sounds of leaves in a breeze, but even more from the movement of Ronan's lips against his skin. They're still here. They're together. He'll make a deal - he'll do something to fix this. When he can.

Maybe he will be able to sleep, or maybe he'll just listen to Ronan breathe until he finds a little bit of peace. Does it really matter? Is there any difference?]

[greywaren]

Of course.

[He wouldn't leave if his life depended on it. Adam is warm and soft and Ronan settles in next to him, breathing out against his skin, just letting the two of them feel in the silence. He doubts that he'll sleep- it's been difficult to sleep since it happened, and while part of him is worried about nightmares, the rest of him just doesn't think he can.

That doesn't matter now. What matters is the two of them supporting one another, keeping one another stable. Ronan knows that he's more of a risk for losing his cool than Adam is, but he doesn't want Adam to fall to that dark place, either. He's seen Adam before when he was splintering- he never wants to see it again, and he'll do whatever it takes to keep him from that point, even if it means staying away from the edge himself.

Ronan is devastated. It's always been difficult to look outside of himself when things like this happen, but right now, he has to- right now, his concern and affection for Adam have to outweigh his own listlessness. If they can't hold themselves together then they can't hold one another together- and then, where would they be?

This is better than the alternative, he thinks as he curls in just a little closer against Adam. It has to be.]