ic inbox [hadriel]

[unknowable]

"Please leave a message and I'll return it as soon as I'm able."

[if necessary, you can also leave a message for Ronan Lynch here]

Comments

[unknowable]

Noah -

[He sighs, kneels down next to Noah. His voice is quiet.]

I fucked things up with Blue. I'm not going to let the same thing happen with Ronan. If I can't give him everything he deserves, everything he needs, then I shouldn't do it at all. I'd only hurt him. I know you're too drunk for that to make sense right now, but - that's how it is.

[And he curls a hand around Noah's shoulder, tugging him upright carefully. He really doesn't want Noah to puke on him or his floor.]

Don't pass out on my floor, okay?

[casperdisaster]

[Noah reluctantly lets himself get pulled to his feet. He's a bit wobbly, but he reaches out to brace his hands on Adam's shoulders both to steady himself and to make sure he's like looking Adam in the face when he continues talking and not, like... end up talking to Adam's elbow or something.]

Adam. Adam. Blue ... Blue didn't know you. [Noah speaks slowly and carefully, trying so hard to enunciate and not sound as drunk as he is, which is so oddly important considering it isn't like he's trying to make Adam think he's sober.]

Ronan knows you, Adam. And you know him.

[Get yourself some, Adam Parrish.]

[unknowable]

Yeah, and I know he puts all of himself into things, and I know that even he can get hurt. And I know I don't want to be the one to do that.

[He turns Noah around, very carefully, steering him toward the door before he can do something like sit down again. Or pass out. Or throw up.]

If it turns out I can't... that I'm too damaged to ever love him, it's better not to even go there.

[Almost certainly, Adam wouldn't say that if Noah were sober. He sort of regrets saying it the instant it leaves his mouth, but he doesn't have anyone to talk to about these things. He's so lost.]

Let's get you to bed.

[casperdisaster]

[Noah looks absolutely piteous as he lets himself be lead. It isn't even a bit for sympathy, he's not coherent enough to try that and he knows it wouldn't work on Adam anyway. His face just kind of does that on its own. Drunk as he is, he does have the forethought to keep his voice down when there's risk of being overheard.

It's one thing to shout where Ronan can hear that Adam and Ronan need to miss with tongues, it's another to say where anyone can hear someone's secrets.]

Adam - Adam, you aren't. You aren't, Adam. I know. I know like I knew things before, back in Henrietta. I know like I knew you shouldn't throw away the gun. You just don't know what it looks like and that's why you haven't realized. I promise Adam, you aren't, you just need to fly and you can.

[unknowable]

You don't know. And Noah, I don't know how much control you have over it, but stay out of my head.

[He keeps his voice steady, but it's straining. He doesn't like being told that someone knows him, especially when they seem to think they know him better than he does. It's not that it can't be true, it's that it's invasive and unwelcome. Noah is his friend, he has good intentions, so Adam carefully keeps his temper in check. It's a close thing.]

I get that you love Ronan and you want him to - get laid or whatever. But I'm a person too, and you don't get to tell me who I am. Go to bed, Noah.

[casperdisaster]

[Noah sighs and deflates a bit at that. He might be blitzed out of his gourd and all, but he does seem aware that there is a line and he has crossed it, apologetically backing away.]

You're both my friends, and I want my friends to be happy. There's - there's a chance to be happy there. And if anyone deserves something good and happy it's you.

[he sways a bit, but does not fall over.]

I'm - I'm gonna get some water first. I'm sorry I can't find the right words, Adam.

[unknowable]

I know what I deserve.

[He's quiet but certain, and he reaches over to open the door for Noah.]

Go to bed. And please don't talk about this again.