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It's trying to communicate, I think, but scrying doesn't help. It's like it can't quite make itself understood clearly. There's interference.

[The lack of clarity when he scrys disturbs him more than anything. He doesn't always have control over it, but it always helps him reach Cabeswater, and now it's... confused.]

There are other ley lines, I think. I can sense something, anyway.

[At home, it was easier, but here they've been slowly seeping into his consciousness. Maybe it's just that he's far from Cabeswater, or maybe it's just the way things work here. Adam should have sensed them as soon as they arrived, but it took a few weeks.]

Other lines? Well, hell. Is that good news or bad news? As far as I'd been able to figure out in my research, they're all connected somehow, kind of like roads. It's just that we don't know what travel conditions are like between here and there.

[gansey turns the burner off beneath the last of the pancakes to let them finish cooking that way, and comes over to where adam is. this is a confession, he senses, a delicate thing that adam might prefer he not know. except they had made that promise, and now adam is here.]

What can I do to help you? We all know I'm as spiritually sensitive as a doorknob most of the time, but there has to be something.

They are all connected.

[He says it with certainty. He remembers, so very clearly, Cabeswater showing him that vision of crisscrossing lines, its need for the energy to flow freely, the world and its ley lines.]

But I don't know about here. I suppose it's no surprise that there are ley lines, but I'm not sure yet whether it's a good thing or not. Either way, I know Cabeswater wants me to do something about it.

[What it wants is still unclear, but sleeping ley lines? There's really only one thing that can be done.]

If we could investigate them - go looking, see what we can find. I can sense where they are, but I don't know what's around them. What might be blocking them, or what things might be happening.

We can do that. You, me, and Cabeswater. I'm sure between the three of us we can figure something out. Maybe whatever energy there is can help you and Ronan.

[because as far as gansey understands it, that's all lines are. power running beneath the ground like the veins of the earth, neither good nor bad, just able to be tapped.

he spreads strawberry jelly over a pancake with the back of a spoon s that it's fastidiously even, then rolls it up like a a very thick crepe before taking a bite.]

When do you want to go?

Sometime soon, before things get too much worse. I don't know what sort of effects these ley lines will have, but it's already... been pretty bad.

[The hallucinations, the nightmare with Ronan. Gansey knows that it's been pretty bad, after the nightmare creature. Adam doesn't have to tell him.]

I'm just seeing things, but Ronan might pull something else out. The nightmare was because of the ley lines. I don't know how much worse it could get, but I'd rather not find out.

[He watches Gansey eat pancakes, tapping his fork against his own for a moment. Who eats them like that? Rich people? Weird.]

Yeah. It has.

[it isn't the first nightmare creature they've buried, but it was far more horrific than ronan's normal nightmares, and gansey was definitely feeling disquieted by both the creature itself and the effect it had on adam.]

Do you think we can control them better if they're awake? Or...you can, I guess, since that's your forte.

[it's really just a gansey way of eating pancakes, because gansey has a habit of eating with one hand and reading or writing with the other, but adam has no way of knowing.]

I think they'll settle if we wake them. They're surging right now because they're trying to get the power to wake fully, so if that's taken care of...

[He shrugs. Honestly, this is mostly guessing, but at least it's an educated guess.]

Things will fall into place. I hope. But I'll need to go out and look at them, maybe map them, and figure out what needs to be done.

[A pause, and he fiddles with a piece of pancake.]

I wish Persephone was here.

That would be good. Or at least less chaotic.

[gansey trusts adam's guesses, to be honest. he's the one with the strongest connection to these things, the one who can feel a line running through his veins most of the time anyway.]

We can do that. They don't...affect me the same way, so I can come with you.

[adam hasn't spoken of persephone, at least not to gansey, the whole time they've been stuck here. he knows she's a delicate subject, having left adam right when he really needed her most. gansey reaches over and squeezes adam's shoulder gently.]

She would know what to do. But I think you know too. She was a good teacher, and we all know you're an excellent student.

[He eats the pancake. Don't waste your damn food, Adam.]

I think it's better if I don't go alone, at least at first. I don't really know what's out there, and - well, I've been seeing a lot of things.

[Even for Adam, who's used to it, it's getting easier and easier to get confused. Getting confused around a strange ley line sounds like a great way to end up dead or even more contaminated by foreign magic than he already is.]

I don't really know what to do, though. I read the tarot, with Ronan's help, but - I don't know. Nothing's clear. We just have to wake them, that's all. There isn't much else we can do. Or I can do, anyway. This can't go on.

[gansey helps himself to another, this one with syrup. he eats it the same way, though, rolled up and held in his non-dominant hand.]

We can take turns going with you. Or just me, if it gets to Ronan and Noah like it gets to you. You're all tied to our home line more than I am. And don't worry so much. You'll know what to do when you need to do it.

[gansey just believes in adam that much. and he knows from the cave that sometimes things just...come to them. like waking the animals.]

...maybe we should consider telling other people, though. Just so they don't all think they're going completely nuts.

[which would be gansey's subtle way of admitting that he may or may not be having hallucinations as well.]

It's affecting Ronan in a different way. And, ah - he and I probably shouldn't - I mean, it would be weird.

[Yeah, he's just going to leave that there and move on, because he's not quite ready to plunge into the topic yet. And, of course, he doesn't feel like he should talk about Ronan's dreams.]

But you're right about that. The rest of the people here ought to be told, so they don't hurt themselves. Or anyone else.

[He looks at Gansey for a moment, but doesn't press the issue. It's affecting all of them, he knows.]

It would be weird.

[he says it flatly, neither confused nor skeptical. if there was a thing ronan lynch could do, it was make something intolerably awkward. he was practically a specialist at it.]

Does that mean you talked to him? Or are we talking different kind of weird?

[gansey doesn't really want to talk about ronan's dreams either, because the end result of the one he witnessed...that's just awkward. more awkward than even gansey is willing to take on.]

Edited 2015-09-09 05:39 (UTC)

Like I said, the ley line is affecting him, too. I think it's probably worse if we're around each other. He'd never have pulled out that creature if not for me.

[Adam is pretty sure, anyway. His appearance in Ronan's dream made it all worse, made the ley line affect Ronan even more than it had before. He doesn't want that to happen again.

And, reluctantly, he continues.]

I talked to him, too. So both kinds of weird.

You know, Adam, everything isn't your fault. Ronan's pulled out plenty of monsters on his own before. That one was...different.

[gansey finally slides into the seat opposite adam at this announcement.]

So you talked. And?

Different because of me. He's using Cabeswater's power through me, but - that wasn't Cabeswater.

[And clearly, somehow Adam should have been able to stop it. Should have been able to make sure that Ronan's dreams are safe and the dream-things he pulls out aren't... like that. How, he's not sure. But somehow he should've been able to.]

And we did a tarot reading. And - I don't know. Everything's going to be awkward now.

...I fail to see how him using Cabeswater through you and the monster not being from Cabeswater make this your fault. The opposite, if anything, since it clearly wasn't Cabeswater, and it wasn't Ronan's sort of nightmare.

[~~love yrself adam parrish~~ gansey's tone is patient without being patronizing, attempting to comfort without coddling, since adam doesn't do coddling.]

Should I ask what was in the reading? Or is that between the two of you? Also, everything was already awkward, Adam.

I should have been able to protect him somehow. What use am I if I can't even keep us safe?

[He shakes his head, still frustrated when he thinks about it. His magic, such as it is, is incredibly useful sometimes and not at all others. And sometimes, it's a danger to everyone, he thinks.]

The reading was mostly about the ley lines. The rest - we didn't really need the cards.

[Adam shrugs, looking down at the pancakes. He cuts a piece with his fork. This is not at all easy to talk about.]

I just told him I needed time. And that I knew.

Trust me, protecting Ronan from himself is more or less impossible most of the time. I try, and you try, and you see where w end up. But didn't we have a talk about usefulness recently? I seem to remember something about it. Something like 'we don't value our friends for their usefulness'? Without you, he wouldn't be able to do what he does at all, and that's not even why any of us care about you.

[he lets adam play with his pancakes, silent for a long moment.]

And what did he say?

[It is super annoying when Gansey's right. But they did talk about this, not so long ago. Adam has to accept that, even if he doesn't think he's being too hard on himself, even if he thinks he should have been able to do something. He wants to argue, he really does, but he shoves a piece of pancake in his mouth instead, and nods. It's the most agreement he's able to give right now. It'll still weigh on him, but he can't keep arguing, not when they've already covered this ground.

He's quiet for a moment, eating.]

He said he'd wait.

[He knows that Gansey doesn't want to get involved in this - thing between him and Ronan. He knows Gansey is probably not at all pleased that they're both too emotionally stunted to just deal with things on their own. So he's trying to keep it short, not dump all his confusion and fear on Gansey, who really doesn't deserve any of it. Gansey just deserves to know that Adam did what he promised back on the train.]

So - it's okay, I guess. He wasn't too mad.

[gansey lives for these moments of being super annoyingly right. if only he knew one was happening so he could feel proud of himself. instead, he gives adam space and time to answer, even if that answer comes in the form of slightly passive-aggressive pancake chewing. (ronan would approve of his not!boyfriend accidentally participating in an internet meme.) then he gets his real answer, and nods. nothing surprising there.]

No offense, Adam, but you seem to be quite a distance from okay. Perhaps on an overseas vacation from okay. There was also that conversation about complaining to each other.

[Gansey is really on a roll today. As a reward, he gets a quick, annoyed look from Adam. They did talk about complaining to each other, but - Adam doesn't think they meant this. He doesn't think Gansey has any desire to hear about his own insecurities or his feelings for Ronan. Not again, anyway. They'd fought the last time.]

Am I supposed to be okay? I don't know what I'm doing.

[He shrugs, looks down at the pancakes he's almost finished with. There's plenty more where they came from.]

I just don't want to mess everything up for all of us. Like I did with Blue.

You aren't supposed to be anything.

[for a fraction of a second, gansey looks pained at the mention of blue, but it turns into looking painfully honest.]

You didn't mess everything up for all of us with Blue. Jane...Jane saw what she wanted to see in you, which wasn't you at all. When it turned out that you weren't the person she had imagined up in her head, she couldn't cope. That was her fault as much as yours, for expecting you to be someone else. Ronan knows what he's getting into.

Look. I put myself into the middle of this because I want you both to be happy. Talking about feelings is, in the most general sense, something we are all uniquely awful at, but you aren't going to figure anything out in the echo chamber of your head.

[he runs a hand through his hair.]

That's one I know from experience. We promised to try, didn't we? I'm holding you to it, and I'm sure you'll do the same to me soon enough.

[That would be the nice version of what happened with Blue, the one that doesn't make it Adam's fault for being a train wreck of a human being. Because what really happened is that she thought he was better than he was, and when she realized the person he really is - well, who would want that? Adam can't blame her. Not really.]

Okay, Ronan knows what he's getting into. But Ronan drives too fast and drinks too much and gets into fights for fun. Ronan likes things that might end up exploding in his face.

[And if Ronan had a healthier approach to the world, it wouldn't be Adam that he wants. And Adam doesn't want to be something that will only end up hurting him - he doesn't want to be another way for Ronan to work out his self-destructive impulses.]

Just because he knows me doesn't mean that I won't end up ruining everything. You know he's not as untouchable as he likes to pretend. I could really hurt him, if I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't.

[Ugh. He hates talking about this. It's - uncomfortable, it makes him vulnerable, he doesn't know how to express himself. He's not as good with that sort of thing as Gansey is.]

[it would be the true version, as far as gansey's concerned. adam may be a trainwreck of a person, but so is ronan, so is noah, so is gansey himself. they're all just slowly derailing from slightly different tracks that happen to often travel parallel.]

He does. And he also likes me, and the Barns, and playing with baby mice with his little brother, and Chainsaw, and sitting in Cabeswater, and Irish music. Ronan likes flying, and he likes being tethered to the ground. You're not a fast car, Adam, or a bottle of vodka. He thinks he hides all that from me, that I couldn't smell the burnt brakes or booze when he didn't pass out at your place instead. He wasn't trying to get away with anything where it concerned you.

[not the same way, at least. gansey wouldn't consider ronan's shame over his sexuality or his crush on their best friend in even remotely the same corner as sneaking out to drag race or drinking himself into oblivion inside st. agnes.]

You could really hurt him, he could really hurt you. That's...that's how it works, Adam. People can hurt each other. You can do all of that to him now, or to me, or to Noah. It's not exactly the same, but it's not so different. You'd just also get to be...close, too. You both have some way to go figuring out how that works, but that's okay.

I mean...what makes you think I know what I'm doing?

Edited 2015-09-30 19:58 (UTC)

Most of the time I assume you don't, but we all follow anyway.

[That's accompanied with a look that's almost amused, or would be if Adam were a little less tangled up inside. After all, he doesn't really think Gansey knows what he's doing - not about everything, not all the time. Not even most of the time. Adam, perhaps more than the rest of them, has plenty of experience with calling Gansey on his shit. He knows very well that Gansey has huge blind spots and can be extremely oblivious, distracted by his own privilege and the things in his head.]

But you've had more success at this sort of thing than I ever have, and you know Ronan. You know how few people he has. It is really worth risking what we have now for - something else? I don't even know if I'm capable of that sort of thing. At least now he's... he could get over it. Move on. We could just be friends.

[He shakes his head, looks away. It's not everything. There's no way he can admit to Gansey, selfishly, that he doesn't want to get hurt either. That he doesn't want Ronan to change his mind the way Blue did, to decide Adam Parrish could never be good enough. Even if it's true.]

It's not like I have any experience with this kind of thing.