[His voice is quiet but firm. If there's one thing he's certain of, it's that. It's not Ronan's fault that he can't dream something up that'll beat the gods. This place belongs to them, and they have more power here than Ronan ever could. Adam never viewed it as a failure, not for a moment, though he isn't surprised to learn that Ronan did. Does.
The warmth of Ronan at his back is a comfort to him. He doesn't know if he is any sort of comfort in return, but he rests his hand - his good hand - on Ronan's where it lays across his stomach.]
You saved me. I would have died - I would have turned into one of those things and hurt you.
[So what if Ronan didn't use his dreams to do it? So what if it was traumatic, difficult for all of them? Adam will recover. He knows that if he'd hurt any of them he never would have forgiven himself - he still hasn't really forgiven himself for letting the demon possess him and hurt Ronan, though it no longer haunts him like it used to.]
And Gansey... Cabeswater saved him. It's yours, Ronan, it's part of you. It saved Gansey because you made it.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling Ronan's forehead against his neck, his breath against Adam's skin.]
Don't say you can't protect anyone. You've always protected me.
[It's a fraught subject, for Adam. He doesn't want to be weak enough to need protecting, he doesn't want to rely on anyone else to be safe. But at the same time, the simple fact that Ronan wants to means the world to him. It doesn't feel like pity, though it would have not so long ago. Now, he knows Ronan better - he knows Ronan doesn't want to do it because he pities Adam, but because his fierce loyalty makes him want to keep everything he cares for safe. The Barns, Matthew, Gansey. Adam, now. And Adam has never felt that before.
He's never felt safe the way he does with Ronan. It's not that he believes Ronan will protect him - he still will get frustrated if anyone acts like he needs that - but rather that he trusts Ronan to never hurt him, trusts him to feel deeply and fully. He even is beginning to trust the idea that Ronan believes he's worth it.
He doesn't know how to express that, and he certainly doesn't know how to return that feeling, or how to give Ronan something of equal value. But he can try to alleviate Ronan's guilt, at least.]
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[His voice is quiet but firm. If there's one thing he's certain of, it's that. It's not Ronan's fault that he can't dream something up that'll beat the gods. This place belongs to them, and they have more power here than Ronan ever could. Adam never viewed it as a failure, not for a moment, though he isn't surprised to learn that Ronan did. Does.
The warmth of Ronan at his back is a comfort to him. He doesn't know if he is any sort of comfort in return, but he rests his hand - his good hand - on Ronan's where it lays across his stomach.]
You saved me. I would have died - I would have turned into one of those things and hurt you.
[So what if Ronan didn't use his dreams to do it? So what if it was traumatic, difficult for all of them? Adam will recover. He knows that if he'd hurt any of them he never would have forgiven himself - he still hasn't really forgiven himself for letting the demon possess him and hurt Ronan, though it no longer haunts him like it used to.]
And Gansey... Cabeswater saved him. It's yours, Ronan, it's part of you. It saved Gansey because you made it.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling Ronan's forehead against his neck, his breath against Adam's skin.]
Don't say you can't protect anyone. You've always protected me.
[It's a fraught subject, for Adam. He doesn't want to be weak enough to need protecting, he doesn't want to rely on anyone else to be safe. But at the same time, the simple fact that Ronan wants to means the world to him. It doesn't feel like pity, though it would have not so long ago. Now, he knows Ronan better - he knows Ronan doesn't want to do it because he pities Adam, but because his fierce loyalty makes him want to keep everything he cares for safe. The Barns, Matthew, Gansey. Adam, now. And Adam has never felt that before.
He's never felt safe the way he does with Ronan. It's not that he believes Ronan will protect him - he still will get frustrated if anyone acts like he needs that - but rather that he trusts Ronan to never hurt him, trusts him to feel deeply and fully. He even is beginning to trust the idea that Ronan believes he's worth it.
He doesn't know how to express that, and he certainly doesn't know how to return that feeling, or how to give Ronan something of equal value. But he can try to alleviate Ronan's guilt, at least.]