[Ronan isn't sure what to say to that. Talking has always been difficult for him- touch is easier, action is easier, and when both of those fail, his dreams tend to speak for him. The truth is, when he thinks about Gansey, he wants to put his fist through the wall. The truth is, when he thinks about Adam's arm, he wants to drink and drink and drink until everything is blurred and spinning around him. The truth is, there are too many things beyond his control and it hurts and it leaves a hole in him that makes him feel like he used to feel, back when his tattoo was still healing and he'd press his back into the leather seat of his car just to feel it burn a little more.
He doesn't know how to say any of that. He does know that there's solace in Adam, there's a peace and intelligence there that's reminiscent of Cabeswater, but ultimately is entirely him, and he knows that when he touches Adam, he feels a little bit of that peace curling around the rest of it. And he'd love to say that it's enough, that that's all he needs to feel better instantly, but the hole is still there and he still feels lost.
For once though, he realizes that it's not Adam's responsibility to keep him on his path- and it isn't Gansey's, either. Adam can't take all of this on his own, not with everything else that he's lost, but Ronan still doesn't quite understand the difference between needing to lean on someone and outright expecting them to carry you- at least, not when it's him doing the leaning.
He's quiet for longer than he should be, and after a few moments, Ronan moves to lay down, not quite making eye contact, but still staying close, still touching Adam. He doesn't know how to tell him what he's feeling, but Ronan isn't subtle about any of his actions, and so he shakes his head slightly, tugging Adam down to lay with him.]
no subject
He doesn't know how to say any of that. He does know that there's solace in Adam, there's a peace and intelligence there that's reminiscent of Cabeswater, but ultimately is entirely him, and he knows that when he touches Adam, he feels a little bit of that peace curling around the rest of it. And he'd love to say that it's enough, that that's all he needs to feel better instantly, but the hole is still there and he still feels lost.
For once though, he realizes that it's not Adam's responsibility to keep him on his path- and it isn't Gansey's, either. Adam can't take all of this on his own, not with everything else that he's lost, but Ronan still doesn't quite understand the difference between needing to lean on someone and outright expecting them to carry you- at least, not when it's him doing the leaning.
He's quiet for longer than he should be, and after a few moments, Ronan moves to lay down, not quite making eye contact, but still staying close, still touching Adam. He doesn't know how to tell him what he's feeling, but Ronan isn't subtle about any of his actions, and so he shakes his head slightly, tugging Adam down to lay with him.]
Does it still hurt?