[It's strangely comforting, having Ronan there like that, reminding Adam of his presence again and again. Adam would not have thought it would be comforting, would have thought that being alone was better - that's how it's always been for him, only dropping his defenses when other people couldn't see, too afraid to show his vulnerability. He thought he would hate something like this, with someone right there the whole time.
But it's comforting. It reminds him that he's not alone, that if he needs help he'll have it, even if he still hates the thought of needing help. It reminds him that he has someone who cares about him, even through his pain, even if he's not perfect, even if he's weak sometimes.
It's hard to believe. It's not a conscious thought, either. It's just there, with every careful movement Ronan makes, every reassuring touch and fidget.
He's nearly finished when Ronan speaks again. His hand, holding the spoon, goes still. He sets it down, careful not to jar the bowl too much.]
When?
[He doesn't know what to think. Or rather - his mind is blank, focusing only on what he can do right now, what he needs to do. If Gansey is gone, they can't get him back. If Gansey is gone, he's home, where he's safe. If Gansey is gone, will Ronan leave again? If Gansey is gone, is everything going to fall apart?
If Gansey is gone, Adam has to step up. Gansey expected it from him, he made that clear. Adam has to keep things together.]
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But it's comforting. It reminds him that he's not alone, that if he needs help he'll have it, even if he still hates the thought of needing help. It reminds him that he has someone who cares about him, even through his pain, even if he's not perfect, even if he's weak sometimes.
It's hard to believe. It's not a conscious thought, either. It's just there, with every careful movement Ronan makes, every reassuring touch and fidget.
He's nearly finished when Ronan speaks again. His hand, holding the spoon, goes still. He sets it down, careful not to jar the bowl too much.]
When?
[He doesn't know what to think. Or rather - his mind is blank, focusing only on what he can do right now, what he needs to do. If Gansey is gone, they can't get him back. If Gansey is gone, he's home, where he's safe. If Gansey is gone, will Ronan leave again? If Gansey is gone, is everything going to fall apart?
If Gansey is gone, Adam has to step up. Gansey expected it from him, he made that clear. Adam has to keep things together.]