[Ronan tries not to watch Adam eat, because he knows that that can be unsettling, but he likes knowing that Adam is taken care of and something about Adam's outward calm and the slow steps in which he starts to take care of himself eases a little of Ronan's own anxiety about the whole thing. He's still sure that he can never forgive himself for what he's done, but knowing that Adam is capable of moving on from it is something that can comfort him all the same.
He waits for awhile, letting Adam eat in a comfortable silence. Every once in awhile, Ronan will press his cheek to Adam's shoulder for a few moments, laying an idly affectionate kiss where his mouth can reach, worrying the hemmed collar of Adam's shirt between his teeth briefly- which is a trait of his anxiety that he's apparently now making Adam suffer through as well- and generally just letting himself be close, prodding, and present.
Adam probably won't be able to say much while he's eating and so Ronan lets him work at his meal in relative silence. It's the kind of silence that's comfortable in a way, but strained in a way- there's so much that Ronan wants to say, but he cares too much to distract Adam from this act of self-care. Not telling him hurts, both in that he feels like he's deliberately keeping things from him- his guilt, his concern, Gansey- but he's sure that saying something would be inconsiderate, and so he lets it simmer, and so his nerves fray.
Finally, when Adam is almost done, Ronan reaches over to pick at the lower hem of Adam's shirt, sliding his thumbnail along the stitch line.]
Gansey is gone again.
[He's been quiet so long that his voice is a little rough, and Ronan is resting his temple against Adam's shoulder so he conveniently can't meet his eyes. It's not the kind of news that he wants to break, especially not in a situation like this, but the longer he waits, the worse it's going to get.
It's already bad. He just has a hope that Adam will absorb it into his present state of shock and- maybe it won't affect him as much until this is all over. Is that cruel? He feels like it might be cruel, but Ronan also thinks that it could be for the best to get all the bad news at once and recover slowly later. Either way, he can't take it back now.]
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He waits for awhile, letting Adam eat in a comfortable silence. Every once in awhile, Ronan will press his cheek to Adam's shoulder for a few moments, laying an idly affectionate kiss where his mouth can reach, worrying the hemmed collar of Adam's shirt between his teeth briefly- which is a trait of his anxiety that he's apparently now making Adam suffer through as well- and generally just letting himself be close, prodding, and present.
Adam probably won't be able to say much while he's eating and so Ronan lets him work at his meal in relative silence. It's the kind of silence that's comfortable in a way, but strained in a way- there's so much that Ronan wants to say, but he cares too much to distract Adam from this act of self-care. Not telling him hurts, both in that he feels like he's deliberately keeping things from him- his guilt, his concern, Gansey- but he's sure that saying something would be inconsiderate, and so he lets it simmer, and so his nerves fray.
Finally, when Adam is almost done, Ronan reaches over to pick at the lower hem of Adam's shirt, sliding his thumbnail along the stitch line.]
Gansey is gone again.
[He's been quiet so long that his voice is a little rough, and Ronan is resting his temple against Adam's shoulder so he conveniently can't meet his eyes. It's not the kind of news that he wants to break, especially not in a situation like this, but the longer he waits, the worse it's going to get.
It's already bad. He just has a hope that Adam will absorb it into his present state of shock and- maybe it won't affect him as much until this is all over. Is that cruel? He feels like it might be cruel, but Ronan also thinks that it could be for the best to get all the bad news at once and recover slowly later. Either way, he can't take it back now.]