[Adam's thoughts feel scattered, loose. He needs to pull himself together, he needs to get over this and move on, and he knows that. Part of him is angry at himself for falling apart like this. He almost died, okay. He lost his hand, fine. That's no excuse for making himself useless, it's no excuse for making Ronan take care of him.
Another part of him, analytical and distant, knows that he's been through serious trauma. Physical shock is the least of it, and even that is significant. He can't expect or demand that he recover instantly, and he should not beat himself up because he's unable to do so.
But most of Adam is simply too scattered to focus on either of those things. This has happened before, at the worst of times with his father. It's like a step back from the world, removing himself so that he can stay whole. He focuses on his breathing instead, on Ronan's voice, on Cabewater's leaves curling against his skin. Not the empty place where his hand should be, not what almost happened.
He'll recover. He's nothing if not a survivor, and this - he can't do this for much longer. Ronan needs him to have his shit together, and so does everyone else. But for now, it's too much.
He wasn't sleeping. He rouses a little when Ronan comes in, and more when he speaks.]
I'm awake.
[His voice doesn't shake, but it's distant and soft, and a little hoarse. He doesn't remember screaming, but he's pretty sure he did.]
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Another part of him, analytical and distant, knows that he's been through serious trauma. Physical shock is the least of it, and even that is significant. He can't expect or demand that he recover instantly, and he should not beat himself up because he's unable to do so.
But most of Adam is simply too scattered to focus on either of those things. This has happened before, at the worst of times with his father. It's like a step back from the world, removing himself so that he can stay whole. He focuses on his breathing instead, on Ronan's voice, on Cabewater's leaves curling against his skin. Not the empty place where his hand should be, not what almost happened.
He'll recover. He's nothing if not a survivor, and this - he can't do this for much longer. Ronan needs him to have his shit together, and so does everyone else. But for now, it's too much.
He wasn't sleeping. He rouses a little when Ronan comes in, and more when he speaks.]
I'm awake.
[His voice doesn't shake, but it's distant and soft, and a little hoarse. He doesn't remember screaming, but he's pretty sure he did.]